Most of us were taught anger is bad. Growing up (that would be from when I was born to now) when I expressed anger I got negative feedback, then was conditioned to make nice instead. Even though I wasn’t explicitly offered any real instruction how to make nice I quickly learned the way most of us learn: behavior modification. When I smiled through clenched teeth I avoided hurtful responses from the authority figures in charge of my self-esteem. When I expressed anger, I was punished.
Today as I grow myself up, every day offers an opportunity to strengthen my self-esteem. One of the best ways I’ve discovered to accomplish this work in progress is by taking back the power I sacrificed by making nice.
It’s a complicated project, because I have also learned that uncontrolled anger directed at persons, inanimate objects or traffic just makes things worse. Yes, I’ve expressed my anger/rage…but the downside of being forced off the road by an equally enraged driver (who could be packing) or running over my printer with my car or irrevocably damaging an important relationship because I’m low on self-mastery is also basically a lose-lose.
What to do?
I have a Magic Bullet! I encourage you to join me in using your anger as fuel to achieve your goals. It’s that simple…not easy, of course, but the concept is sound and proven by me and others.
Here are three suggestions I’ve successfully road-tested (pardon the pun). They work.
1. Feel the anger.
2. Quickly Identify the goal, outcome or desire obstructed by the object of your anger. This is key to your success or failure. IF you can hit pause before you express yourself inappropriately...if only for 3 seconds...you will strengthen yourself. It's herethat you either evolve into your future, more satisfied self, or devolve into a regressive, powerless child.
3. Then, in second 4, USE that powerful energy that has been activated to accomplish your goal.
I am NOT suggesting you simply intellectualize your experience, cutting off your feelings … you are a passionate human being and intensity may be part of who you are in the moment…I AM suggesting that you take dominion over your anger, and use it as an engine to get what you want.
Rock On Everyone
LA AUTHENTIC WOMAN GATHERING: July 11, 2015
BAY AREA AUTHENTIC WOMAN GATHERING: July 26, 2015
BAY AREA AUTHENTIC WOMAN RETREAT: October 30 - November 1, 2015
Contact Marsha @(818)782-8533 or email: firstname.lastname@example.org
or Amelia: email@example.com for additional information about workshops.
Call or email Marsha directly to schedule a coaching session.
To learn more about Marsha and her work check out her website: www.marshamendizza.com